Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement (ATM®) lessons help students nurture an inner dialog with their bodies. Understandably, students struggle with “doing less” and “slowing down”. Yet, slowing down allows the nervous system to pay attention to the body’s sensations and listen to its intelligence. This is difficult because we have trained our minds to automatically dismiss and override our bodies even in the presence of pain or discomfort. Slowing down and developing an inner dialog seem as vague as conjuring a “mystical” phenomenon.
What is an Inner Dialog?
Surprisingly, developing an inner dialog isn’t as difficult as one might think. During an accident, many people describe a heightened awareness of time, where events appear in slow motion. Detailed bodily sensations and minute details are easily recalled such as, the way the light shone against the wet pavement, vivid colors and textures, smells nearby, or even the quality of sounds, either muted, soothing or sharp and blaring. Slowing down heightens the awareness of your body and surroundings, as if all the senses turned on in a split second and your attention becomes acutely and centrally focused. The experience is similar to meditation.
When I formally learned sitting meditation at a workshop in San Rafael, CA, I struggled to focus on my breath. Instead, the surge of heat from my feet upwards was much more interesting to follow. Walking labyrinths or other forms of moving meditations were much easier for me. My mind could massage any topic as if I turned it around in my hands and examined it closely from different angles. Decades later, I came across a sitting meditation that didn’t mention the breath but allowed my mind to drift freely. I realized then that I had been meditating for most of my life.
Growing up, my father always bought large American cars. His rule inside his car was we, the five kids sitting in the back seat, were not allowed to speak. Being a middle child and not prone to carsickness, I rarely had an opportunity to sit by a window. Before car seats were invented, I was firmly anchored between my siblings and too short to see over the front seats. With nothing to see or do, my mind drifted and I disappeared into my imagination.
The silence in our car faded as my imagination became alive. In my imaginary world, my body races against the cars in traffic and leaps over lines painted in the asphalt or over whole intersections in a single bound. I invented traffic scenarios where I defied gravity or battled villains and managed to escape just in time. Little did I realize then that elite athletes use visualization to train their neural pathways to refine their motor skills and prepare their minds and bodies for peak performance. As I grew older, my inner world shifted to an internal dialog, drifting from thought to thought. Returning to my way of meditation many decades later was much more natural to me than focusing on my breath.
How are ATM® Lessons Meditative?
I have always thought ATM® lessons are a form of meditation. We hear the instructions, our brains interpret the words, our bodies test the movements, but there is much more than that. When the lesson becomes difficult or confusing, willpower awakens, and the mind dutifully follows. Willpower becomes the Taskmaster, the mind the Gatekeeper, and the body is relegated to “perform”.
My inner dialog is especially active during difficult ATM® lessons. My will represents all the beliefs that I have bought into such as, “Can’t you push harder?” or “How does my movement look like?” or worse yet, “Am I doing it right?”. My mind gets frustrated and wants to “move on” and get past my body’s embarrassing poor performance. I’ve learned to ignore my Taskmaster and Gatekeeper because my body’s intelligence is more subtle and patient. It understands sensing takes time and attention. When I slow my movements down and stay within my comfortable range by doing less, my attention expands globally. I invite my Taskmaster and Gatekeeper to let go of “right vs. wrong” and become curious partners and willing participants.