The term “self-care” is becoming so commonplace that it is beginning to sound like a “catch-all” phrase that is meaningless. What exactly does self-care mean? During my Healing Touch apprenticeship, I found self-care is to purposefully make time to take care of my needs. For me, this meant exploring a new energy healing modality, scheduling annual checkups, re-connecting with myself through journaling or hiking, addressing that little ache or annoying pain that seems to be present more often than not, reading for pleasure, getting fitted for a new pair of running shoes, or as simple as enjoying a cup of tea and conversation with a friend.
What you do for self-care must have meaning for you, where you are fully present and immersed doing something that takes you out of your usual routine. The goal is to have fun, enjoy, and relax. It doesn’t mean running errands so you can check it off your To-Do list or couch-surfing to binge watch movies. The latter may be necessary at times too – just saying. In our busy lives, we learn to ignore our inner voices because there are so many shiny new distractions. We claim we don’t have time, and yet not making time for ourselves disconnects us from ourselves, the people around us and reality.
Care-givers have a difficult time taking care of their needs because taking care of someone else is more than a full-time job. But, Dr. Feldenkrais said, “If you don’t take care of yourself, you have no business taking care of others.” Janet Mentgen said in her Keynote Address at the Australian Holistic Nursing Conference in 1995, “I live a disciplined life. I take care of me first. I had to learn that the hard way like most of us.”
Think of the time you spend taking care of yourself as your time to self-reflect and honestly check in with yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My Tai Chi Master called this “internal work”. How are you feeling? Are you well-rested? Is there something that is bothering you that you’ve been ignoring? Have you been getting sick more often lately? Are you getting the daily nutrition you need? Are your interactions with others kind, helpful, informative and productive? How well are you managing stress? Are you listening or speaking all the time? Do you feel you’re always scrambling to get things done at work and/or at home? Are you making conscious or reactive choices? Are you setting realistic boundaries and goals??
As a simple analogy, if you own a car and the radio stops working one day, it’s OK because it’s easier to stream your music anyways. After a few months, you notice the front passenger door doesn’t open unless you open the door from the inside. You don’t use that door anyways so that’s not a big deal. Then your mechanic tells you to keep an eye on your oil level because he notices it is consistently low. You discover the sunroof opens but you have to hold down a lever to close it. One day, you lend your trusty car to a friend but before you hand over your key, you tell him about the radio, the front passenger door, minor oil leak and the sunroof. Each one of these things doesn’t affect how the car performs, but they add up so that using the car comes with limitations.
It’s the same with our bodies, which are many, many orders of magnitude more complex than cars. We accommodate and acclimate to all our minor problems over time never realizing that instead of using our bodies to do what we want to do, we are physically limiting ourselves little by little. By ignoring your body for years, are you gradually becoming less and less productive? Does productivity only apply to our jobs? What about our personal lives?
How can we expect to be effective at work if our personal lives or environments are in disarray? Many people enjoy hotel stays because hotel rooms are visually simple, clean and uncluttered. It would be great to have a personal assistant to run all our errands, cook, clean, make appointments and remind us of them, but very few people can afford this lifestyle. Similarly, if you are in constant pain or discomfort, or require stimulants or sedatives to get through the day, how does that affect your ability to focus your attention and energy to be productive at work? More importantly, are you able to take care of your personal life adequately or is that becoming a burden as well?
I view my self-care as time to jump off the wheel, slow down, attune to myself and take stock of my big picture. I review whether I am present or on autopilot in my daily life. Where did my actions fall short of my expectations? How I can improve by changing my perspective or assumptions? Did I compromise my boundaries, or lost sight of my goals? Am I making healthy dietary, emotional, and behavioral choices?
For many people, viewing the whole picture of one’s life on a regular basis without compartmentalizing it into manageable parts is foreign territory, but how many times can you divide yourself before there isn’t a whole person left anymore? It’s similar to being physically or emotionally traumatized – the whole person is affected including his/her energy system.
Why is self-care important? In my Ayurveda classes, we spent countless lectures discussing how to balance the three doshas. The Vata, Pitta and Kapha doshas are energy principals that impact one’s constitution, affinities, way of thinking, attitude, structure, and disease prevention and susceptibility. They constantly change because they are influenced by age, diet, seasons, environment, weather, etc. One day I asked, “Why are we spending so much time balancing the doshas?” My teacher replied, “If you are constantly struggling to live in an unbalanced body, how can you focus your attention to achieve your full potential?”
If we’re mindlessly going through the motions of living without paying attention to what we personally need to thrive, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, then are we truly living a meaningful, purposeful, fulfilling life or simply enduring time before we pass on? By making a conscious commitment to take care of ourselves on a regular basis, we free our minds to create and fulfill our dreams.
